Hi, my name is Julia, and I’m a Team Jess girlie.
However.
I have a soft spot for - believe it or not - Dean Forester.
Before you get all “Dean sucks” on me in the comments, allow me to clarify that I have a soft spot for Dean Forester in his early seasons.
Dean Forester of season 5 is trash.
We do not condone cheaters around here. Lindsay Lister (she has a last name, who knew?!) deserved better.
Okay! Now that we’ve got that disclaimer out of the way, where was I? Oh, yes.
I’ve heard a lot of arguments against Dean’s character; judgments that were made even before he committed his shameful adultery: “Dean has anger issues.” “Dean was too jealous.” “Dean was too possessive.” “Dean’s sexist.” “Dean’s a yeller.”
On and on and on…
We’ve reached the point in our re-watch when Dean finally breaks up with Rory at the dance marathon. In re-watches past, I’d say “finally” because the episode marks the beginning of the Jess boyfriend era. However, this time around, I’m saying “finally” because Rory had it coming ever since Jess Mariano came to Stars Hollow.
Because here is the truth, at least the way I see it: Dean isn’t a bad boyfriend. Rory is a bad girlfriend.
Dean is a 16/17-year-old with the limited emotional capacity and understanding of a 16/17-year-old and was reacting to her behavior accordingly. If they were in an adult relationship, we’d be having an entirely different conversation, mostly because either Dean would have seen the red flags that Rory liked Jess and left, or Rory would have had the decency to break things off with Dean. And if neither of these things transpired well, they’d be in a very toxic predicament, wouldn't they?
But Dean and Rory weren’t in an adult relationship. They were teenagers with a lot of hormones and emotions running high. I’ll give you that, in some instances, Dean was irrational (i.e., breaking up with Rory because she needed a minute before saying ‘I love you’), but in most instances, I thought his frustrations, anger, and, yes, even the yelling, were called for.
I said what I said.
I’ve thought long and hard about this, friends. This argument has been brewing inside of me for years. So, here it is. My defense of Dean Forester, circa seasons two through three (because season one was Dean’s prime).
Rory gaslit Dean about Jess. All. The. Time.
There’s no way we’d let a man get away with this kind of behavior, so why do we let Rory?
Once Jess came into the picture, Rory didn’t make Dean feel secure in their relationship, nor did she give him a reason to trust her around Jess once she started defending Jess’s honor to everyone who would listen. It raised some questions in Dean and, as a viewer, it’s not a head-scratcher to understand why.
Whenever Dean expressed his suspicions or how he felt about Jess, Rory made it seem like Dean was sensing something that didn’t exist - but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. Dean was spot on from the start and, to prove it, I’ve listed the evidence below.
When Jess outbid Dean at the picnic basket lunch auction, Rory knew Dean was uncomfortable. She watched the boys get into their little bantery spat, and despite Dean’s feelings (and knowing he was justified to feel the way he did), Rory blamed her actions on “tradition” and not only went to lunch with Jess but spent the entire day with him. I’m pretty sure there was no pizza, let alone an entire bookstore stuffed into that little straw basket.
Rory spent many a night talking on the phone to Jess about books and music, all the while ignoring Dean’s calls. Was it a little excessive for Dean to call upwards of a dozen times in one day? Absolutely. Yet, at the same time, I can sympathize with his paranoia. He’s wondering why his girlfriend, who is usually just as equally Dean-crazed, isn’t taking his calls. Once Jess is in the picture, Rory goes from all to nothing with Dean. It’s no surprise he felt a shift and panicked.
Rory let Jess stay for dinner on what was supposed to be her solo night in and made it very clear to Dean that she did not want him to come over. The events of this episode are highly controversial within the Gilmore fandom. If you’re completely anti-Dean, you’re not going to like my stance on it, but here it is: If Rory really didn’t want Jess to stay for dinner, she could have kicked him out just as easily as she does when Dean calls to say he’s on his way over. But she didn’t. Was that the original plan of the night? No, but when both guys invited themselves over, they were met with very different levels of resistance.
And yes, Dean raises his voice at Rory (he does not yell, despite Rory’s offense to higher levels of volume), but I think you’d be very hard-pressed to find me a couple who has never raised their voices at one another. It happens in high-stress, high-emotion situations, and this was one of those situations for Dean. Even if you want to argue that he shouldn’t have raised his voice and that he should have been calmer, I can tell you from experience that, at that age (and even as an adult sometimes), you have so many feelings that you can’t be calm and rational in the moment. It’s ridiculous to put that expectation on a teenager, especially when said teenager is being made to feel like his gut instincts are wrong when they aren’t.
AND FURTHERMORE. Rory lies to Dean about what Jess was doing there. Sure, Paris fabricated the story, but Rory went along with it because she knew the truth would hurt Dean’s feelings. Maybe it would have led to a breakup. Maybe it should have.
Rory disregarded Dean’s feelings about Jess and let Jess drive - and wreck - the car Dean made her. OK, listen. I know the accident wasn’t Jess’s fault. Most people would swerve to avoid hitting an animal. It could have happened to anyone. But why, knowing damn well how Dean feels about Jess, would Rory give him the keys to the car Dean made for her? The car Dean first said “I love you” in. Rory’s continuous disregard for Dean’s feelings is ludicrous to me. She knows she likes Jess. Lorelai knows she likes Jess. Hell, even Emily knows Rory likes Jess. Just break up with Dean already.
Rory skipped school, hopped on a bus to New York, and adventured to Washington Square Park, all to visit Jess. I’m pretty sure Dean doesn’t ever find out this even happened.
Rory kisses Jess at Suki’s wedding. Read that again. Rory kisses Jess at Suki’s wedding. Which she went to with Dean.
Rory ignores Dean’s letters while she’s in D.C. all summer. Yet, whose name is she seen scribbling at the top of her notebook paper? Jess.
Rory continues to date Dean even after she kisses Jess and thinks about Jess all summer. Why? She comes home to find Jess has *seemingly* moved on with Shane as a direct result of Rory not actually sending him any correspondence all summer, either. If she can’t have Jess, she’s sticking with Dean, because heaven forbid the girl be single for five seconds.
She talks about Jess to Dean, constantly, at the dance marathon. SHE ALSO STILL DENIES HER FEELINGS FOR HIM AS THEY’RE BREAKING UP! It isn’t until Rory is dumped, sitting on the bridge waiting for Jess to find her, that she admits everything Dean said amidst their breakup and everything he’s been thinking and feeling for months is true.
“Everything he said. All those things about you and me, all those things about me lying to him, and messing with his head. He was right.”
He. Was. Right.
I ask you, dear reader, to put yourself in Dean’s shoes. If your partner treated you that way, wouldn’t you be angry? Wouldn’t you be hurt? Wouldn’t you be confused if your gut and all of the evidence were telling you one thing, but your partner was telling you another? Wouldn’t you hold on a little tighter? Try a little harder? If you were a teenager in love, I bet you would.
Was Dean the perfect boyfriend? No. Neither was Jess. Neither was Logan. But was he the worst? Also no.
I can make a case for why all of Rory’s boyfriends weren’t great, and why Rory was an awful girlfriend to all of them. But those are essays for a different day.
I never watched GG (I know I know and it was after Dawson's Creek - my fave - so no excuse), but this is making me want to dive back in...maybe a DC rewatch followed by GG to be uber nostalgic - LOL!