This month has been a month. How are we only halfway through it?
If you remember, a few weeks ago, I wrote about how I was getting out of a funk. Well, I’m out of it.
I was kicked out of it, and now I can’t remember the last time I was this mentally exhausted or overwhelmed.
With Covid having knocked me out for two weeks, and an upcoming vacation within reach, I don’t have time to be in a funk. I’ve had three weeks to complete five weeks’ worth of assignments.
Ambitious or ridiculous?
When the work is there, I pile assignments on my plate like a kid at a dessert buffet, eyes bigger than their stomach. But going from being very sick, and out of commission, to saying yes to every article I was offered, made me realize I’m living to work. Not the other way around.
And I’ve started to spiral.
My schedule is jam-packed. I’m up to my eyeballs in deadlines. There are days when I don’t change out of my pajamas because I don’t feel like I have the time to spend getting ready. Once I open my laptop, I’m glued to the screen. Writing articles, sending emails, researching.
Then the other day, my husband took my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes, and said, “you’re more than your work.”
I almost cried because, most days, I don’t feel like I’m anything but my work.
When I chose to go freelance, “balance” was the goal. I wanted to better manage my workload in a way that allowed me to get paid to do what I love, take care of my husband and our space, work on creative projects, and adventure on the weekends.
I can count on one hand how many times I’ve felt “balanced,” at least by that definition, in the last five years.
Now I’m wondering, who am I beyond my career? Who do I want to be? What does the life I want to lead look like?
Mark’s was the sign that finally got through, but the universe has been whispering that a new, exciting chapter is waiting for me when I’m ready to turn the page.
Cue Ace of Base’s “I Saw the Sign.”
In a beauty secrets video for Vogue, Vanessa Hudgens expressed how important her skincare routine had become in her daily life because it was an investment in herself.
“Throughout the day, we are pulled in so many different directions - everyone! And it’s so important to really take care of yourself and, like, be your own best friend,” the multi-hyphenate explained. “Probably a year ago, I started getting really invested in a long, lengthy skincare regimen, because I was just like, how much time am I worth to myself? I’m worth all the time that I need and that I want.”
Keke Palmer joined the self-love conversation, recently revealing in a “7 days, 7 looks” video for Vogue that she, like me, has a busy work schedule, so she has to reserve personal time in her itinerary.
“If I don’t schedule it in, then it’s really never going to happen. And then I started realizing it’s because I was not taking the same initiative that I was taking in my career as I was in my personal life. I was not setting the stage for these things being a priority,” the performer said. “But ever since I realized it starts with me, I felt a lot much more in control and more empowered, and feeling like I can have it all, I just have to realize that the same effort that I put into my career, is the same effort I deserve in my personal life.”
So, where does all this profound advice leave me? Pensive, for one. I’m re-evaluating different aspects of my life and really considering what it is I want. I’m only 30. The world is my oyster. At the same time, I’m 30. I’m not getting any younger, and I want to start living beyond the walls of my home office. I love what I do, and I’m good at it. But it’s time I got to know the other sides of me that have taken a backseat to my career and comfort zone.
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Julia, this is incredibly relatable. "Balance" may be the goal, but it can be so difficult to achieve. I always think of "Eat, Pray, Love" in the end where she's terrified of losing her balance and someone tells her, "sometimes you have to lose your balance for love." It may be exhausting, but I'm confident you'll find it :)
Taking time for ourself is really needed but so hard to put in place. Do what is best for you♥️