For whatever reason, society (aka the media/movies/television) categorizes your third decade as either absolutely amazing (the 30s are the new 20s!) or definitively dreadful (ugh, I’m getting so old).
But for me, the negative connotation that came with the number, as though the 30s were like a poppy seed in your teeth — sometimes painful, always embarrassing to admit in a public setting — never stuck.
This is probably because Jenna Rink convinced me that when the clock struck midnight on October 27th, I would be transformed! Flirty and thriving, the best years of my life and all that.
Well, I can’t say it happened overnight.
On this day last year, I woke up 30 and celebrated in all the ways I wanted to.
My husband had planned an idyllic autumnal brunch at the Ho Ho Kus Inn (highly recommend if you’re in the area) the weekend before and on the day of, I went to the mall and treated myself to Laura Mercier makeup and a shacket from Forever 21 (the irony of this is not lost on me).
We probably had sushi for dinner.
We definitely ate Halloween candy for dessert.
Mark surprised me with an overnight trip to Sleepy Hollow. We toured the graveyard where Washington Irving, Andrew Carnegie, Elizabeth Arden, and William Rockefeller are buried. We ordered mozzarella sticks (my favorite) as an appetizer at dinner and ate jelly bakery cookies in bed at the hotel.
The day we came home, his side of the family came over for dinner. We probably ordered Anthony’s Coal Fire pizza. I decorated with bat decals on my walls.
It was a fantastic birthday. Some details are fuzzy, but it’s one I’ll always remember. Just like my first year in my 30s, and all that came with it.
That said, I didn’t wake up a changed woman. Mentally and emotionally, the first day of my 30s felt a lot like the last day of my 20s.
365 days later, however, I can honestly say that, so far, the 30s are treating me well.
It’s probably thanks to a culmination of therapy, and the lengths I’ve gone to prioritize myself again.
I’m still a work in progress, of course; we all are. But I’ve come a long way in a short amount of time, and one of the ways I wanted to celebrate that is by reflecting on some of the biggest takeaways from my 30th year around the sun.
1. Hustle culture isn’t for me right now, and that’s OK.
Being a freelance journalist, it’s easy to get sucked into hustle culture because, well, at least in the beginning, you have to hustle. You have to make a name for yourself and network, network, network. You also have to advocate for yourself, for your worth.
I never listened to the voices that told me there was no money in the editorial field. Unfortunately, it turns out, they weren’t wrong.
They weren’t exactly right, though, either.
The fact that I get paid is proof there’s money in what I do, and I’m proud of the income I’ve generated on my own. At the same time, the industry isn’t generous. The people who make the big bucks are the ones who worked hard, then harder and played with the right people.
Some luck is involved, too. Being in the right place at the right time.
I was laid off from Elite Daily in 2019. The site was getting rid of its health vertical and I was collateral. I had been writing for different pubs on the side for extra income already, but I wasn’t making anything near my salary. So, I hustled.
I wrote and pitched. I pitched and wrote. I cold-emailed editors who had no clue who I was.
I took the $50 assignment rate I was being offered and felt lucky to just have a byline.
You might be surprised to hear this, but I look back on that time with nostalgia. It was fun. It was terrifying, but it was exciting, too. I was doing something ally wasn’t very common at the time. I was making a living, and I was doing it from my two-bedroom apartment.
This isn’t to say I don’t work hard anymore. I work very hard and am proud of the content I produce. I’m writing for publications like InStyle and INSIDER regularly. I read and interpret scientific studies for MindBodyGreen. I had an article published in the September issue of Allure.
19-year-old Julia, sitting in the Lucky Magazine beauty closet, organizing makeup and Jean Godfrey June’s mail (snail mail, people - paper invitations to events, and press release print-outs stuffed in gift bags), would be in awe of all we’ve accomplished.
I’m sure there will be points in my life when I will need to be on the grind again. Work ebbs and flows when you’re an independent contractor, and the industry is competitive.
But right now, at this moment, I am good.
I have regular, loyal clients who are happy with the work I provide for them, and who pay me fairly. I am open to new opportunities, but I’m through living to work. I’d much rather work to live, and, in this season of life, I can.
2. I’ve started prioritizing my friendships.
I’ll admit, I’ve taken my female friendships for granted in the past. Life got busy; I got married, I was working more than I was playing, and I moved away. Luckily, I have the kind of friends that, no matter how long we go between conversations or in-person hangs, it feels like no time has passed, and there is a mutual understanding that life happens.
This year, I’ve made the time to see my girlfriends. To look at my calendar, carve out some dates, and follow through on the plans we make. Whether we’re chatting over coffee or wine, watching television, shopping, or doing absolutely nothing, it matters. It’s important. And it’s one of the highlights of my weeks.
3. Setting boundaries can be challenging, but it’s necessary.
I don’t need to give all of myself to everybody, all the time. Boundaries are a form of self-care. They’re built, not necessarily to keep people out, but to preserve your own mental and emotional health.
It’s OK to say no, and it’s OK to keep parts of your life private. It’s tempting to overshare in the social media-centric times we live in, but it isn’t necessary. Or mandatory. I’ve started picking and choosing, and it started with an 8-month hiatus from Instagram. I’m still learning, but have become much more confident in keeping to myself than I used to be.
4. Communication is key in every one of my relationships.
I have always been a better writer than a talker. My mind races and the words come out jumbled when I’m all worked up. I also tend to get stuck on a point or emotion and become like a broken record; I repeat myself over and over again, and sometimes the words don’t make sense.
To communicate in a healthy, mature manner, I need to give myself time and space. I need to step back and think about how I’m feeling, why I might be feeling a certain way, and what needs to be communicated so that my loved ones can understand where I’m coming from, and what I need.
At the same time, to be a better communicator, you also have to be a better listener (and now be so quick to take things personally). Everyone approaches a subject through their unique lens and projects their own unique experiences and emotions on the situation. Empathy and the willingness to be open and receptive can make, and have made, a world of difference.
5. I will never look 25 again, but I’m not supposed to.
If you know me outside of the internet or have kept up with my writing over the years, you’re likely aware that I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia and an EDNOS from a young age.
I still have bad body image days, but they come around less frequently than they used to. I have also almost completely overcome my food fears. Now, if I don’t eat a certain kind of food, it’s likely because it triggers my IBS (and I’ll do anything I can to prevent a flare-up).
My healing has been about more than food, though. Accepting my body the way it is, the way God made me, and the way I’m anatomically built, has been critical. For the most part, I’m healthy, and I’m happy in my frame, and a major part of getting there was stopping myself from comparing what I look like now to what I looked like at 20, 25, or, heck, even 28!
Bodies change. It’s natural. Just because I was x-amount of pounds lighter and more toned back then, doesn’t mean I’m not equally as deserving of loving my body now.
There will be times I struggle. There will be days when I look in the mirror and don’t love what I see. But rather than stare and body check and talk down to myself, I put on something comfortable, exercise because it makes me feel good, nourish my body with food because it deserves it, and try again tomorrow.
6. I’ve started dressing for fun as much as I do to impress.
Through my work as a fashion writer, I have been generously gifted all kinds of amazing clothes (and I am beyond grateful). From everyday staples to athleisure and formal wear, I’ve had the opportunity to elevate my everyday wardrobe. I’ve also had the opportunity to step outside my comfort zone and experiment. I’ve had so much fun playing with different prints, cuts, and hem lengths, and have fallen in love with pieces I never would have picked off a rack without the guidance of my PR friends (you know who you are).
If I can give you any advice in the fashion department, it’s this: Life is too short. Dress up to go to the grocery store. Dress in matching sets to do nothing but lounge all day. Dress in a way that makes you feel your best. We live in what we wear, so why not make every outfit special?
I’m so excited for what’s to come in the months ahead. I look forward to living, loving, learning, and, of course, writing more today than I did yesterday and more than that tomorrow!
Thanks for being on this journey with me. (And for taking the time to read through this post - I know it was a particularly long one.)
Here’s to turning 31! It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
In case you missed my byline:
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Incredible!!!!!!❤️
Good one Jules!